Chaos

Sometimes the universe likes to throw a little chaos into the mix. The last few days have been a lesson in that. I spent Saturday running around doing stuff for my sister's baby shower. The shower was Sunday. My brother-in-law almost got a ticket on the way to the baby shower because he ran a red light. We were late getting to the location to set up for the shower. Luckily, friends and family chipped in to help set up. We had a nice turn out, and everything went smoothly other than the fact that we ran out of plates. My mom, daughter, and grandpa's wife headed back to my mom's house while we finished packing stuff up. When we got to my mom's house, we were informed that the neighbor's dog had just bit my daughter. That resulted in a trip to urgent care, and then running all over the place trying to get a prescription for antibiotics filled. We ended up staying the night at my mom's house. My daughter stayed home from school on Monday. Tuesday, I had to work, then take her to the doctor for a follow up, then go to my Toastmaster's meeting. I was Toastmaster for the night. My computer and printer didn't want to cooperate, so I had a hard time printing out what I needed for the meeting. Our speaker for the night cancelled. On the way there, I had to take a detour because my road was closed over the train tracks. All in all, it has been a stressful couple of days. My ulcer is flaring up, and I just want to stay in bed.

With being sick, the baby shower, and everything else, I have been trying my best to stay on track. My exercise has flown out the window. I am still doing my best to get it in, but I haven't been very successful. My eating hasn't been too bad. While I was sick, I had to force myself to eat. Now that my ulcer is flaring up, I may have to do that again. All I can do is just keep doing my best.

Tell Me Why

Last week at my Toastmasters Club, I did a speech about staying on track while on vacation. Maybe I'll share it here, since everyone liked it. We had visitors from another club, and after the meeting one guy asked why I'm so strict with tracking. Couldn't I just eat healthy, and not worry about that? My answer at the time was that I'm afraid of gaining the weight back. There's more to it than that though. On one hand, I am afraid of gaining the weight back. On the other hand, I'm afraid that without weighing, measuring, and tracking, I won't eat enough. Although I was never diagnosed as anorexic, there was a period in my life when I didn't eat. I starved myself, trying to be thin. For a very short time, I was below a BMI of 20. I know that I wouldn't exactly go to that extreme these days, but I can guarantee that I would find myself taking smaller portions than necessary of anything that wasn't a fruit or vegetable. I'm REALLY bad at estimating proper portions. It's just a fact that I know about myself, that I have to deal with. The whole point is that I continue to weigh, measure, and track my food so that I will maintain my current body weight, within a few pounds. Maybe some day I'll feel confident enough to stop doing that, but now is not the time.

Staying on track when sick

I have been sick a lot lately. Way more than I normally am. It's driving me crazy! The two hardest parts are exercising and eating. I've had a lot of junk in my lungs, so I'm not real keen on exercising lately. I'm used to at least walking every day, and feel like a major couch potato right now. Eating is another major issue. Due to sinus infections, nothing tastes good, so I'm barely eating my Points most days. I had to force myself to find something to eat a few days ago, just to make it to my Daily Points Target. Then a sore throat and ear infection were added to the mix, which made me want to eat even less. My life is currently revolving around soft foods. So much fun! I'm trying to maintain my weight, not lose even more!

My crazy life

Since September there have been huge changes in my life. I was given a promotion at work. I am no longer a customer service drone. I now list products on Amazon.com for our company. It's nice not being tied to a phone all day. In October, I decided to join Toastmasters. Every Tuesday night I go to a local Toastmasters meeting. If you've never heard of Toastmasters, you might want to check them out. Here is the site for Toastmasters International, where you can find a club in your area. This year, I decided to add some more craziness to my life. I lost most of my weight through Weight Watchers, and since I'm not tied to a phone all day, I decided that now was a good time to go work for them part time. I talked to my boss about it, and started training at the end of April. Then my boss added another responsibility to my job. The company that I work for sells educational materials. We have a website where teachers can create activities. The girl who was in charge of it decided that she wanted to go back to customer service. So I am now in charge of that also. Unfortunately, it means that I will now have to keep somewhat regular hours because I will once again be answering a phone. The good news is that I've gotten only a couple of phone calls so far. So my life has become completely crazy. Add the fact that I have been sick a lot lately, and it's amazing that I have any sanity left.

All of this has made me start to question where I want to go in life. I don't have that part figured out yet, but I'm giving it a lot of thought. I know that there is more to life than this. There is something else out there for me. I just need to find it.

I also changed the name of my blog. I said the other day that I might create a new blog. I decided that I didn't really need to do that. I just changed it so it doesn't sound too much like a book that I read. Now that I am fully caffeinated, it is time to get on with my day.

Long time no blog

I haven't blogged in forever. Maybe I should try getting back into it. Now seems like the perfect time. There are so many changes going on in my life. I was promoted in September. Then at the end of last month, I got new job duties thrust upon me. I am also training to work for Weight Watchers. I'm feeling very overwhelmed right now, and very uncertain about the future. I might create a new blog, because the title of this one reminds me of a book that I read. I can't think of a name right now though. More later...

Wedding survival guide

I attended 2 weddings in the past 2 weeks. I actually stood up in one of them, which was even more difficult. So here are my suggestions for wedding survival without blowing your diet.

• Don't starve yourself before the wedding. Yes, there's going to be a lot of food at the wedding, but that doesn't mean you should go all day without eating. You will end up eating more at the wedding to compensate. 
• The cocktail hour can be your friend. Just be sure to focus less on the alcohol, and more on the appetizers. Some good choices include raw vegetables, and cocktail shrimp. Stay away from anything swimming in sauce or covered in cheese. 
• Limit your alcohol consumption by drinking a glass of water between each drink. 
• During dinner stick with mainly proteins and vegetables. Watch out for anything swimming in oil or butter. Also be sure to watch out for salad dressings, because they probably aren't low-fat or low-calorie. 
• If you don't love it, don't eat it! Is the chicken dry? Can you make a better cake from a box? Then don't eat it! This is not a time to be part of the clean plate club. 
• When it comes to dessert, stick to just a few bites. The first few bites are the best anyway. 
• It's late in the night, and they bring out coney dogs, pizza, or something else. You don't have to eat it. If you really want it though, go for it. Just be sure to follow the "if you don't love it, don't eat it" rule. 
• Get out on the dance floor! Do the Hustle, the Cotton-Eyed Joe, or just dance your own way. You will burn off some of the calories that you ate.

On one hand, regrets... on the other hand, no regrets

When I stand naked in front of my full-length mirror, I am filled with regrets. Despite the fact that I now weigh roughly what I weighed my freshman year of high school, my body does NOT look like it did back then. To start with, there's the flab on the back of my arms. What a friend refers to as "bingo arms". If I could cut it off, and just leave the muscle, I would be happy. Then there's a little flab on the inside of my thighs. It's not as bad as the bingo arms, but it's still there. Next is the fact that my boobs are not where they were in high school. Gravity has taken over, and it's kind of scary. Then there's the stomach. I actually mentioned my stomach the other day to some coworkers, and one said "Where do you hide it?" I said "Under my clothes." I'm sure that most people don't realize how much of a stomach I really have. Due to a combination of being very overweight for a very long time, having one pregnancy, and having a c-section, I have a flabby stomach. It's like a half-deflated balloon. Finally, there's the stretch marks. Lots and lots of stretch marks that I don't think will ever go away. I regret the fact that I didn't realize back in high school that my weight was healthy. I regret that I gained more than 130 pounds. I regret that I didn't learn healthy eating and exercise habits when I was young. I regret that I waited so long before joining WW. I regret that I allowed myself to develop hypertension & type 2 diabetes.

On the other hand, I have no regrets. My body may be far from perfect, but the experiences of being overweight and successfully losing all of that weight have made me the person that I am today. Not only have I learned a lot about nutrition and exercise over the past 2 years, I have also learned a lot about who I am as a person. If I had managed to maintain my weight in high school, I would not be the same person that I am today. I think the experiences have made me stronger. They have taught me things that my previous methods of starvation & extreme exercise to lose weight would not have taught me. They have given me a sense of accomplishment & pride. So while I'm not happy that I endangered my health, I have no regrets.